Nuthin' But A Dance Thang/Transcript
[At Sydney's house] [[Max Reynolds|'Max']]:' Okay, girls, put down your pencils. I have the best news! A friend of mine gave me a deal on a limo the Father-Daughter Dance! 'Sydney: What?! No way! A limo! Can Olive and her dad come with us? Max: Oooh, it only seats ten, so of course! Sydney: We're going on a limo! (both squealing) Olive: Thanks, Mr. R! [hugs him] Max: This just made the best night even bester! [leaves] Sydney: Olive, did you hear that? Olive: Did I?! Sydney: I don't want to go to the Father-Daughter Dance. Olive: Neither do I. Sydney: I mean, it was fun when we were little, but we're too old for this now. Olive: We're practically almost women. We shouldn't be dancing with our dads. Sydney: Yeah, we should be dancing with real men. Thirteen-year-olds. Olive: It's gonna be awkward and embarrassing. So, you going to tell your dad? Sydney: I can't. Did you hear him? He said "bester". He's so excited, he's making up words. Olive: I can't do it either. My dad lives for taking me to he dance. Sydney: Well, at least all of our friends will be there. Olive: Yeah. Maybe it won't be as embarrassing as you think. Max: [comes in] Hey, girls... Sydney/Olive: Heyyyy. Max: I just found out the limo has a sun roof that we can stand up through and wave. [silence] Max: No, that's kind of embarrassing, right? We should just, "Woo-woo"! [THEME SONG] [At Clara Barton Middle School.] Emmy: Guys, you're not going to believe this. Sophia: Last night, Emmy and I told our dads we didn't want to go to the Father-Daughter Dance. Olive: Oh my gosh, what'd they say? Emmy: They were totally okay with it! Sophia: My dad was actually relieved. He said he was sick of the kids laughing at his bad dancing. Especially me. Sydney: I wish my dad got embarrassed that easily. Or at all. Sophia: Well, if you guys can get out of it, we're gonna hang with a bunch of other girls skipping the dance. Emmy: We call it the Anti-Dance. They even hired an Anti-DJ. [Emmy and Sophia leaves.] Sydney: That's it. We have to tell our dads. Why should go to a dance we don't want to? We're not kids anymore. Olive: Let's make a pact. We'll tell our dads tonight. Sydney: Agreed. How about after dinner? Olive: Can't, my dad's always in a food coma. Before dinner? Sydney: Won't work. That's when my dad's yelling out the wrong answers to game shows. Olive: How about after dinner but before dessert? It's a small window, but I think we can hit it. Sydney: These guys are a lot of work, aren't they? to 1992 Young Max: Sorry I got a little intense out there, dude. Leo: It's called badminton, Max. Not bad-attitude-minton. Young Max: I just want to make sure I win a trophy at Father-Son Sports Night. Mom? Everything okay? Judy: Oh sure. Why do you say that? Leo: 'Cause that chicken was already dead when you bought it. Judy: Oh Max, I was gonna wait, but you might as well hear it now. Your dad called, honey. He forgot about father-son night and agreed to cover another pilot's flight. Young Max: Oh. Okay. Judy: What? You were looking forward to this. You know, it's okay to be upset. Young Max: I'm not upset. Dad has to work. Not every dad's gonna be there. Judy: Leo, is your dad coming? Leo: Yeah. But that's because our arcade is sponsoring the event. He'll probably be bossing me around the whole time. But that's our version of tossing a ball. It's nice. Young Max: Mom, really, it's better this way. Dad's terrible at sports. He's saving me the embarrassment. Judy: Your father's not that bad at sports, just marriage. back to present-day (knocking at door) [Sydney opens the door, Judy comes in riding her luggage.] Judy: Step it up, Grandpa! No pain, no gain! (Max breathing heavily) Sydney: You okay, Dad? Can I get you a water? Or a paramedic? Judy: Don't worry, Noddle. His good suit was too tight, so he asked me to kick his butt into shape for the dance. He's fine. Max: (gasping) Yes... I'm... need.... air. Judy: Oh, suck it up. Buns Of Jelly. [leaves] Sydney: Dad, you want to hear something funny? I was talking to some girls at school today, and a lot aren't even going to the dance. Max: I know I had a few dads come into the shop and tell me the same thing. I get it. Sydney: You do? Max: Sure. Some of the girls feel like they're too old for it now, and the dads are okay with it. Sydney: Exactly! Max: I'm so glad we're not like them. Sydney: What? Max: I love that we have the kind of relationship where you still want to go. It's not just a dance to us. It's a tradition. I mean, it's got us through some hard times, Syd. I can't imagine just tossing it out like some old toy. So we are still on for dress shopping tomorrow, right? Sydney: Wouldn't miss it. Max: Great. Oh! And I almost forgot to tell you I donated a smoothie cart to the event, so the organizers said they'd make sure that we have a spotlight dance! Sydney: Wow! You and me under the spotlight with everybody watching. It just keeps getting better and better. [At Clara Barton Middle School.] Sydney: Hey! So, did you tell your dad you didn't want to go to the dance? Olive: No. Sydney: Oh good. I didn't have the heart to do it either. Olive: No! Before I opened my mouth, he tells me he has to neuter a beagle at the animal hospital that night! Boy, did I luck out. Not so much the beagle. Sophia: Guys, did you hear? Maddy S. is hosting the anti-dance. She has an outdoor movie screen! Emmy: And the best part, parents who let her do whatever she wants! Personally, I need more structure. Olive: Guys, guys. Dial down the excitement. Someone, I won't say who, still has to go to the dance. Sydney: They'll never guess now, Olive. [In a clothing store at the mall. Sydney's with Olive inside a dressing room, while Max waits for her.] Max: Can't wait to see what dresses you picked out, Syd. Sydney: Can't wait to show you, Dad! [to Olive] Do not let me leave here with a dress. Olive: Roger that. Sydney: I still gotta figure a way out of the dance. But if my dad buys me one, I'll feel too guilty not to go. Olive: Don't worry. When your dad sees thee ugly dresses we've picked out, he won't be buying anything. There's a blue muumuu in there that looks like a pool cover. Sydney: Let's get this ugly show on the road. [Sydney comes out of the dressing room several times wearing several dresses to show them to Max, he sees them and doesn't like them.] Sydney: This couldn't be going any worse! Olive: I know! It's a disaster! [The scene is cut to Sydney trying on a dress and looking in the mirror with Olive.] Olive: Oh, no. It's gorgeous. Sydney: How did it get in here? Must have snuck in with the uglies. Olive: I mean, it fits you perfectly. Sydney: Olive, stop it! I don't care what you do, but you cannot let me leave here with this dress. No matter how much it makes my eyes pop. Max: [comes in] Hey, Syd, did you--? (gasping) It's perfect! Sydney: No, it's not. It's too.. big. Olive: Small. Sydney: Short. Olive: Long? Max: Why are you pretending to not like this dress? Sydney: Because it's too expensive. Max: It's worth every penny, and I'm buying it. [He's leaving.] Sydney: Dad, wait, you can't! Max: Why not? Sydney: Why? Why? Because... it wouldn't be socially responsible. It could have been sewn by poor orphans. Or from fibers spun by inhumanely-raised silk worms. Olive: Free the worms! Sydney: Dad, with all that's going on in the world, I wouldn't feel right taking this dress home. Max: Well, I'm proud of you, Syd. Not many girls could turn down something this beautiful because it goes against her principles. Sydney: I can. [turns to see herself in the mirror] It makes me sick to look at. Max: Then we just won't buy it. You get changed, and I'll meet you two at the car. [leaves] Olive: We did it! Sydney: Yeah, I just talked my dad out of buying me the most beautiful dress I ever saw. Olive: You want a moment to say goodbye? Sydney: Yeah, we're gonna need it. to 1992 [At Just Fun and Games.] Young Max: Oooh, those bad boys for Father-Son Sports Night? Leo: Yeah, but I won't be getting one. I'll be ref-ing. I never liked Billy's dad. He's in for a rough night. [A man approaches.] Young Max: Hey, Chet. Chet: Hi, Max. Well, the Make-A-Shot's fixed. Leo: Good. My dad calls that thing my college fund. I just hope Harvard takes quarters. Chet: Hey, nice trophies. Not to brag, but I got a whole bunch at home. Fifty. Oh, guess I did brag. Young Max: Wow! What sports did you play? Chet: Football, basketball, baseball, even the polos: water, regular, Marco-- Leo: Polo! [Silence] Leo: Sorry, it's a reflex. Young Max: These puppies are for Father-Son Sports Night at my school. But my dad can't make it. Chet: Hmmm, that's a shame, son. Nothing feels better than winning a trophy. Except for maybe the love of a good woman. But I'd still go trophy. Young Max: Chet, can you hang on a sec? [to Leo] Did you hear that? He called me "son"! Do you know what I'm thinking? Leo: Half the time, you don't know what you're thinking. Young Max: What if I asked Chet to be my dad for Father-Son Sports Night? No one at school knows my real one. Then I actually win one of these babies! Leo: Yeah, but how do you ask someone to do something like that? Young Max: Chet'' Would you be my dad? Chet: Excuse me? Young Max: Just for my school's Sports Night. We could crush all the other fathers and sons and leave 'em crying in the dust. Chet: That's beautiful! You got a deal, son. [They shake hands.] Young Max: Yes! Leo, meet my new fake dad. Leo: As a ref, I do not approve. As a friend, I will look the other way. back to present-day [At Sydney's bedroom] Sydney: Okay, at least I got out of getting a dress, but now I've gotta come up with a good reason why I can't go to the dance. [opens her closet and sees the dress] (screaming) What's that doing here? Olive: It's haunting us. Like something out of a horror movie. Sydney: It's like a demon dress. (demon voice) Wear me, Sydney. Wear me. Max: [peeking out the door] Surprise! Sydney: Dad, I thought we agreed-- Max: Now before you go on, I did some research. This dress company only uses union employees. All of their fabrics are sustainably grown. And for every dress sold, they donate one to a program that gives prom dressses to underprivileged girls. Olive: Wow! This dress is a better person than I am. Sydney: Thank you, Dad. It's beautiful. Max: You're welcome. Now you can go to the dance with a clear conscience. Oh and Olive, I heard your dad can't make it. So if you want to go, I can save a couple of dances for you. Olive: Thanks. I'm good. [Max leaves] Sydney: Oh, no. This has gone too far. I've gotta talk to him. The dance is tomorrow night. I'll just be honest and tell him I'm too old for this. Olive: You want me around for support? Sydney: No. This is something a girl has to do on her own. Olive: Oh, thank goodness. I'm not good with emotional scenes. If I have anything uncomfortable to say to my parents, I yell it through the bathroom door and run away. Good luck! [leaves] to 1992 Young Max: Okay, Chet, people have to believe you're my dad tomorrow. What's my birthday? [Chet answers on phone] Young Max: Correct. What's my mom's name? [Chet answers on phone] Young Max: Not Trudy, Judy! No, you don't have to take a lap for that. [silence] Young Max: Chet? [Judy comes in.] Judy: Max? Young Max: Well, thanks for letting me know, Leo. Bye, Leo. That was Leo. You know, my friend Leo. Judy: Nice kid, likes to dance? We've met. ... Or six, or whatever number they're on. Young Max: I thought you hated those things. Judy: No, I don't! Yes, I do. But I thought it would be good to keep your mind off the father-son thing tomorrow. Young Max: Is that tomorrow? I completely forgot not having a dad to win several trophies with. Judy: You sure you're okay with that? Young Max: I'm fine! Besides, Mom, I gotta cover for Leo at the arcade. Judy: Wow, I wish you were that forgiving with me. I forget to pack one pudding cup in your lunch bag, and suddenly I'm just that lady who lives with you. back to present day [At the kitchen] Max: Hey, Syd. Sydney: Hey, Dad. You know when you have a bandage and sometimes it's better to just rip it off and get it over with Max: I hate doing it that way. I'm not good with pain. Sydney: Yeah, but sometimes pain can't be avoided. Max: You can get a numbing agent that can-- Sydney: Dad! I don't want to go to the Father-Daughter Dance. Max: Huh? Sydney: I'm sorry, Dad, but I'm too old. None of my friends are going. I totally understand if you're upset. Max: Okay. We won't go. Sydney: Wait. You're not upset? Max: No. You've outgrown it. I get it. Sydney: Wow. That was easy. Can I have a pony? Max: No, but you can keep the dress. Sydney: Seriously? Maybe I should return it. Max: No, I want you to have it. Sydney: Thanks, Dad! [hugs him] You're the best. Max: No problem. [Sydney leaves. Judy comes in.] Judy: Why didn't you tell her how you really feel? Max: You heard that? Judy: The house has vents. You're just figuring that out? Max: I wanted Syd to go because she wants to. Not because I guilted her into it. Judy: Wow, you're a better mom than me. I'd been lost without guilt. I had to pretend to cry just to get you put on clean underwear. Max: Please don't say anything to Syd about the dance. Or the underwear. Both, really. Judy: Of course! I'm proud of you. It's hard when your kid grows away from you. You're handling it well. Max: Yeah. I'm feeling pretty good about... (choking up) this. Judy: You okay? Max: Yeah. (choking up) I'm better than okay. You know, I am feeling so good that I think I'm going to take a drive. (crying) Do you need anything from the store? [At night] Sydney: Hey, Grandma. Whatcha watching? Judy: I'm just uploading a video for my collection of your father's funniest moments. Sydney: Wow, you've got 20 videos just for, "Max sits in stuff"? Judy: Here's my favorite one: when he sat in cow poop. Boy, that was one long, stinky ride home. Sydney: Wow, Dad. You look sharp. Max: Thanks, Syd. You gotta look smooth to serve smoothies. Judy: Well, it's all thanks to Body By Judy. I should franchise. Max: Yeah, because who doesn't want to pay money to run down the street being yelled at by a woman riding a suitcase? Sydney: Hey, Dad? Thanks again for understanding about the dance. Max: Of course. [kisses her on the forehead] Have fun with your friends. [leaves] Sydney: You understand why I don't want to go, right, Grandma? Judy: Duh. Going to a dance with your dad at your age? Totes embarrassing. Sydney: [looks at the laptop] Hey, isn't that my pirate birthday party? Judy: Is it? Oh yeah. Huh, I wonder how that got in there. [Sydney sits next to Judy on the couch.] [on video] (parrot squawking) Handler: Sir, please stop shaking. You're scaring the bird. Max: He started it! Okay. Judy: Why don't you talk to him? Calm him down. Max: Yeah, that's a good idea. What's his name? Handler: Jaws. Max: Jaws?! Okay, okay. Nice Jaws. (parrot squawking) Max: Good Jaws. Not nice Jaws. Big Jaws. Judy: You want me to do it, Max? Max: No, I have to do it. I'm her dad, it has to be me. [The handler puts the parrot on his shoulder] Max: Ah... ah. Ah! (in pirate voice) Ahoy, all my scallywags! (children cheering) Sydney: Daddy! You got me a real parrot? Thank you, thank you, thank you! Max: Yeah, he's a nice little guy, isn't he? (laughing) He's-- oh! [end of video] Sydney: Wow, I didn't know he was so scared of that bird. Judy: He didn't want you to know. It would've spoiled your party. Sydney: But why'd he do it? He didn't have to. Judy: Well, Noodle, when you love someone, you do all kinds of crazy things just to make them happy. [Silence] Sydney: I forgot my jacket. I gotta go. Judy: Sure. You gotta go. (sighing) I tried. to 1992 [A''t the gym Max arrives along with Chet.] '''Chet:' Ah, this place smells like victory. (sniffing) And maybe an animal got trapped in here. Young Max: Wow, Dad! That's funny, Dad! You may be the funniest dad ever, Dad! Leo: Max! You made it! And there's Max's dad! Hey there, Max's dad! Chet: Yeah, I'm Max's dad. Young Max: Don't overdo it, Chet. Chet: So that's the competition? (scoffing) We got this. That bald guy's going down. Young Max: That's my friend's dad. Chet: You can be friends again tomorrow. (whistle bowling) Leo: Okay, listen up. Our first event is dodgeball. Let's start with some rules. No hitting above the neck, no crossing the center line, and no using your children as human shields. Chet: We're gonna need a new strategy. Young Max: Don't worry about it. With you as my dad, we got this. Judy: Hello, Max. Young Max: Mom! What are you doing here? Judy: I wanted to meet your new dad. Hello, father of my child. Chet: Hello, Trudy! You remember our son. Young Max: How'd you find out? Judy: I found your cheat sheet. "Questions To Train My Fake Dad". Young Max: The one time I remember to put a heading on my paper. Judy: [to Chet] Honey, I hate to bother you, but the basement flooded. And being the helpless wife that I am, I need you to go home and fix it. Rigth now. Chet: You know we're not really married, right? Judy: (laughing) Don't worry, you couldn't handle this. [to Max] You. Outside. [Judy takes Max down the hall.] Judy: You rented a dad? Really? Young Max: I just wanted to win a trophy. Judy: Max, come on. Why don't you tell me what's really going on here? Young Max: Nothing's going on. Judy: Max. Young Max: Fine. I was sick of being the only kid at these things without a dad, okay? He misses everything! My basketball games, open house, the school play. (sighing) It's not fair. Judy: You're right. It's not fair. But that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Young Max: But he's a total flake! Judy: Yes, he is. I knew that when he was a day late for our wedding. That's why it's okay to feel sad when he's not there for you, okay? Young Max: Okay. Judy: Besides... I will always be there no matter what. Young Max: I know you will, Mom. Judy: And when you have kids, you can make sure that you're there for them, too. Young Max: All right, let's not make this gross. Judy: Fine. Let's go back in there and kick some booty. Young Max: What?! You can't. It's for dad only. Judy: Yeah, well, it's about time things change. Young Max: You're right, Mom. It is. We'll go out there and have fun. Judy: Fun? Max, look at me. Does it look like I'm walking out of there without a trophy? Young Max: Let's do it! back to present day [At Clara Barton Middle School] (soft dance music playing) Max: What can I get you? The Broken-hearted Boysenberry or the Watermelon... Weeper? [Sydney comes in] Max: Sydney? Sydney: Hi, Dad. Max: What are you doing here? Sydney: I came to dance with my dad. Max: I didn't expect to see you. What changed your mind? Sydney: What I remembered how much I loved seeing that smile on your face. Max: Heh. Sydney: Like that one. Max: I can't tell you how much means to me, Syd. Maybe it's because things like this didn't mean enough to my dad. Sydney: Well you're not him. You're my dad. Greatest dad in the world. Max: Shh. The others dads will hear you. They all think they are. Sydney: May I have this dance? Max: Yes, you may. (slows dance music playing) Max: Huh. Last year I had to bed over to dance with you. Sydney: Either I've gotten taller, or you've shrunk. Max: Maybe it's a little bit of both. I love watching you grow up, Syd. It's just... sometimes it's hard to lose moments like this. Sydney: I know. But I think of all new ones we'll have. Max: I can't wait. But how about we really enjoy this one? [kisses her in the forehead] [They continue to dance.] to 1992 [In the gym, there's the dodgeball competition going on.] (game chatter) (blows whistle) Leo: Offsides! Hit the blench, Michael's dad. [to Max] You havin' fun? Young Max: Oh, yeah. But not as much as my mom. Judy: And this is for missing Max's kindergarten graduation! [throws the ball and it falls on a dad] And this is because a cab driver had to hold my hand when Max was born! [throws another ball and falls to another dad] Dad #2: Lady, I don't even know you! Judy: Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Who's your daddy now? Category:Transcripts Category:Season 1 Transcripts